Last First Day?

Ibrahim ran into the shower first. And though I don't shower in the same shower as him, I don't like using both showers at once because the water is less on both of them and that just sucks. So I'll wait.

Tomorrow's our LAST first day of school. It's starting to hit me. We won't be able to do better next year. There is no next year. I'm freaking out a bit. Just a bit though. I don't feel like a senior. Tomorrow is the first day of senior year. The first day of our last year. The first day of the end. It will just feel like any other first day, but it's not. It's our LAST first day. Ahah. I don't know what I'm trying to get at. I just want this year to be awesome. It's our last after all. I should feel different? Right? But I don't. It's all so surreal [fareshte's word:] I'm still in summer mode. But summer is over. I don't know what I'm expecting of this year. I just want it to be great. It won't be easy. But fun? It better be fun. cliche? quite.

I'm not freaking out anymore:]

MY LIFE HAS BEEN A LIE

DID YOU KNOW THAT MUSTACHE IS SPELLED WITH AN O?!?! LIKE MOUSTACHE.


oh wait. no it doesnt. MY LIFE IS NOT A LIE.



and this is probably the most pointless post ever:] but it just made my day.

there's a she wolf in the closet

It's hot. My mom and I have divided up the house into countries. Ibrahim lives in Hell. Yeah. We named the country Hell. The guest room is Ghost Country. My room is Spicy Country. My mom and dad's room is divided up into two countries. The side near the AC vent is Cucumber Country and the other side is The Sahara. The upstairs bathrooms are all Necessary Country. Downstairs is ALL Heaven. Except the garage. That is No Mans Land. It's not even worth going in there.

christianity.

Ifreshtea (12:14:54 AM): Creation of BlueSkittlesKind
Ifreshtea (12:15:13 AM): ON THE FIRST DAY, NOOR AND FARESHTE SAID LET THERE BE SOIL
Ifreshtea (12:15:18 AM): AND THERE WAS SOIL
Ifreshtea (12:15:21 AM): AND THE SOIL WAS GOOD
Ifreshtea (12:15:38 AM): ON THE SECOND DAY FARESHTE AND NOOR SAID LET THERE BE A COOL ORANGE CUP
Ifreshtea (12:15:49 AM): AND THERE WAS A COOL ORANGE CUP AND IT WAS GOOD
Ifreshtea (12:16:07 AM): ON THE THIRD TDAY NOOR AND FARESTHE SAID LET THERE BE A SEED
Ifreshtea (12:16:13 AM): AND THEY NAMED THE SEED OGGY
Ifreshtea (12:16:18 AM): AND OGGY WAS TO BE GOOD
Ifreshtea (12:16:23 AM): OGGY WAS TO BE THEIR CHILD
Ifreshtea (12:16:41 AM): AND ON THE FOURTH DAY FARESHTE AND NOOR SAID LET THERE BE WATER AND THERE WAS WATER AND THE WATER WAS GOOD
Ifreshtea (12:16:53 AM): AND ONT HE FIFTH DAY NOOR AND FARESTHE SAID LET THERE BE SUNLIGHT
Ifreshtea (12:16:58 AM): AND THERE WAS SUNLIGHT AND THE SUNLIGHT WAS GOOD
Ifreshtea (12:17:17 AM): AND THE SIXTH DAY NOOR ADN FARESTHE SAID LET OUR SON BE A BLUE SKITTLE
Ifreshtea (12:17:29 AM): AND THEIR SON WAS A BLUE SKITTLE AND THE SKIITTLE WAS GOOD
Ifreshtea (12:17:49 AM): (see bible for rest of story)

trapped.

i am so unbelievably trapped.


but. am also an ungrateful brat.

Debate.

I've been roaming around, always looking down at all I see.




I forgot how much I loved debating. Today we were discussing the new resolution, which sucks by the way, and it was basically Katie and I, and sometimes Elizabeth Koh, arguing. The resolution is: Resolved: Public High School students ought not be required to pass standardized high school exit exams. First thought: A RESOLUTION ABOUT THE SAT?!?! No. It's mainly about the CAHSEE. But even then, second thought: OH YES. STANDARDIZED TESTS SUCK! But why? Because students hate having to take them? Because they're long and tedious? Because they don't test how smart we are but how well we can manipulate the system? Yes. But are those, minus the last one maybe, legit reasons to completely eliminate standardized tests? No. We need them. They set a bar that all students must reach to pass high school. The CAHSEE seemed easy to us Oxford kids but there are so many students who fail this test each year. If we didn't have standardized tests, teachers could teach whatever the hell they wanted and then we wouldn't be prepared for "what's out there." Not all kids go to college so these exit exams do not deal with college acceptances. They are just to test how well the student knows his stuff. They keep teachers to the curriculum since they show how well the teachers taught the students. No. This would not lead to teachers just giving students the answers so that they pass their class and make it seem like they are great teachers, for the teachers couldn't possibly get the standardized test answers.

Damn. I have nothing on the affirmative.

Pay Attention

The sky really does look like a painting. Go sit on the roof. It's beautiful.

Eh.

So I promised myself the next post I would write would be happy. But. But. But. The next one will be positive.

All I really need to say is that. If you keep pushing me away, I eventually won't want to try to push myself back to you.

Invisible Woman

Invisible Woman by Rich Orloff

You want to know how I am? Well, that makes two of us.
You want to know the thoughts in my head?
Well, so do I.
At least, part of me does.
And part of me doesn't.
And the part of me that doesn't, rules.
Mostly I keep busy, so I won't have
time to listen to myself.
I keep busy, because I'm afraid
if I take time, there may be nothing to listen to.
And every now and then,
When I do hear something,
I get scared.
What does that though mean?
What am I supposed to do with it?
Where should I put it?
When it goes away, I breathe easier;
And I try to get busy again.
Other people, I look at them, and
They seem so filled with
thoughts and feelings.
How can they get any work done?
If I felt and thought as much as
most people, I don't think I'd have
the energy for anything else.
Sometimes I think feeling and thinking
is a fad, and one day it'll pass.
Somewhere,
Somewhere inside me,
I know I must have that which others have;
And if I forced myself,
I could feel all that's inside.
I'm sure if I forced myself,
If I really forced myself,
And I got over the urge to scream,
I could tell you a great deal.
But what if I couldn't stop?
And what if I stayed that way,
Thinking and feeling all over the place,
Every waking moment?
And telling you all about it;
Getting so that I wanted to;
And that I needed someone to listen?
No, that doesn't sound the least bit attractive.
And if I told you everything I thought
And everything I felt
And everything I desired,
And when I finished,
If, but for a split second,
You looked at me in silence,
I'd feel so alone
That the terror would collapse my heart.
And even if I survived that,
Even if I survived the terror,
You'd know where my soul lived;
And I need to have an unlisted soul.
I know you seem to like me,
But I know you don't know me.
So what does your affection mean?
And I see that you're kind.
And I see you try to bring me out.
But I don't trust it's what you really want.
No, even if I knew what I thought and felt,
I could not tell you.
So please stop asking.
I could love you if you stopped asking.
Please.
Please
Order your drink,
And let's have dinner,
And tell me stories of your day
And of your life.
Distract me, engage me,
Let me live through you.
You can do that, I know you can.
It's your most attractive feature.
Just stop asking me how I am,
Please.
Before I get annoyed,
Before I lose patience,
And get so fed up I tell you,
And risk it all,
And face the terror I have no yet
named but which runs my life.
And if you make me go there,
I will only resist you
And resent you,
And neither of us will be happy.
So you tell me how you are,
And I will listen,
And I will take your hand,
And I'll make you glad you're a man.
But I will not tell you how I am.
I cannot tell you.
Ever.