I lie in bed, typing away on my phone

Whenever something bad happens on the news. The local jewelry store's been robbed or a man was found dead in Alabama. I automatically think, I hope a Muslim didn't do it. Not poor store or poor man's family. But. I hope he's not a Muslim. Do you hope that a bad psycho on the news is not Christian or Buddhist or Jewish or Hindu or atheist or gay or a woman or transexual? Possibly.
Do you know what it's like to want people not just to believe that you're a good person but that your family is good. Your community is good. Your nation is good. Your people are good?
Possibly.
Muslims live in more fear of being prosecuted than do most terrorist fearing, terrorist hating, Americans.
Possibly.
I'm tired of constantly reading about more Muslim hating people and what they have to say about us. I'm tired of trying to correct ignorant people who aren't willing to change. I'm tired of not having an effect on these people. I'm tired of being afraid.
The ground zero mosque isn't really at ground zero and isn't a triumphant trophy of our success there. That's disgusting. Palestine and Hamas aren't an evil crude bunch of terrorists that want all Israelis to die. They just want their country back. Pakistan doesn't deserve the sluggish help they've been receiving, or rather not receiving, from the UN for it's flood victims. They are humans after all.
Do you know what it's like to be hated by a majority of the American population?
Possibly.

Well, do you know how to deal with it?

Something.

I had the dream again.
I was mad at someone. Not quite sure who that someone is but I was furious and fed up at someone. Someone close. Someone that's made me mad like this before. I was yelling. Not quite sure what about but something to do with someone hurting me. I remember yelling at them to STOP IT. Stop what exactly, I'm not sure.
Then I half walked, half jogged away. Leaving you alone in the parking lot. Before you could say anything. I somehow made it into the breezeway and saw someone that I really didn't want to see. Someone that I either don't like or don't talk to often or have been avoiding. Someone who I definitely did not want to see me like this. Distraught. Upset. I don't know exactly who. He/she asked me if I was okay. But I didn't want to deal with them. They didn't really care so I walked away without answering.
I made it to grindley which was empty btw. And started to cross the street when I woke up.

Even my dreams are ambiguous.

I need you to trust me

There's a difference between lying and honestly forgetting something. But you know those moments when you say something that once was true but the second you say it you realize that it's now a lie. But it's not really your fault. Or at least, that's what you say to keep your conscious clear. Though, it's not like you try to clear up the misunderstanding that the lie causes. Let's have an example:
Mandy: why'd you write that?
Ralf: I don't even know anymore.
First of, Ralf sounds pretty dramatic. But anyway. The second those words leave his mouth, Ralf realizes that he wrote those hurtful words because he was mad that his older sister would pick her friends over hanging with him. But instead of explaining that, he just goes with the not remembering bit. After all, Ralf is getting old.

And then there's just bending the truth. But that has it's own category.

I've been doing my fair share of each recently.

i love the ocean. the beach, not so much. but i love the way the ocean merges with the sky at the horizon. i just got back from driving to san diego and for the first time ever, i think that ucsd was the right decision. the drive will be beautiful.