raindrops.

i tear so easily now. oh, how times have changed.

"you're going to hell!"

well, thank you for enlightening me. i mean, i've been told that i'm going to hell before but this time it was more exciting. i'm going to hell because Islam is a bad religion. i mean there clearly must be something wrong with Islam if there is Islamaphobia. there must be something wrong if a few select stupid people who call themselves Muslims decide to commit vicious actions. there must be something wrong if people know nothing about Islam and still hate it.

but let's get real. i might go to hell. not because i'm Muslim. but because i'm a bad person. but you have no right to tell me that you think that i'm going to hell. that's not up to you to decide. Islam teaches us that anyone can go to hell and/or heaven based on their deeds. just because you're a Muslim doesn't mean that you're guaranteed to heaven. an just because you're a nonMuslim doesn't mean you're going to hell.

also. i enjoy it when nonMuslims tell me that they know more about Islam than Muslims do. and that Islam is a political scheme or a cult. and that Muslims don't choose to be Muslim. yes. i was born a Muslim but i choose to practice it. i choose to pray 5 times a day, fast in Ramadan, and wear a head scarf. i choose to believe in Jesus (pbuh) and Muhammad (pbuh) and all the other prophets preceding them. i choose this lifestyle and i love it.

you don't even live here!

when i come home for the weekends, it feels like nothing has changed even though everything has. the walls have been painted a different color. my brother's bed disappeared. my parents cuss a little now. timmy doesn't sleep in his cage.

i come home and everything's normal. we're all super comfortable and super happy. but they have their stories and i have mine. and there aren't that many our stories. it's not like i expect them to stop living without me but i didn't think that they'd still continue to be a family and do family things and share family jokes without me. and though i don't feel left out because they still tell me the jokes and stories, i don't just want to be told family things.

it's only been 5 months but i feel like we've all grown so much.

edit: i'm just selfish.