my everything.

"What's a motto that I live by?"
"Friends are everything"
"That's not true"
"Yes. It is for you."


I'm sorry that I like spending time with them and talking to them but if for one moment you think that you don't matter to me as much as they do, you are beyond wrong. I pine for your approval, your attention, your laughter. I want it so badly. And I get it. But when you say this, it all goes away. I go back to the bottom and have to work my way up again. I hate these moments. The look in your eyes. Disappointment. It hurts more than you think it does. I care. I really really do. I'm not good at showing that. Something to do with me being vulnerable. Stupid. I know. I also know that you aren't always thinking like this. You know that I care immensely about you. But even those moments that you do think inversely, I just want to yell. I want to scream, kick, cry, fight, and throw a fit. So that you'll have to look at me and tell me you weren't serious. Console me. Love me. We're okay now again. But I have to regain your respect. Please don't stop believing me.

I love you. Forever have and forever will.