Looking back...

I went through a phase where I wanted everyone to ask me about my hijab. I wanted to explain to everyone why I started wearing it and what it means. But only a few asked. Oh, all of them wondered and many disapproved, but only a handful asked. And when one person asked all the others came near to listen in on noors new decision. Many asked those close to me and most feared offending me. But I don't see why I would be offended by a simple question. It's just that people don't like talking about foreign things which definitely included my foreign religion. I just felt really ignored. But ignored isn't the right word. I had just made one of the hugest and hardest decisions in my life and only a few people bothered to acknowledge it. Failing to talk about the large elephant in the room doesn't take away that there's a fuckin elephant in the room. But now that it's been over 6 months, I don't think about other people and their lack of questions. I had made a decision and wasn't really looking for approval but rather, for support. But I'm blessed and was able to find a wonderful support system here. It's funny how things work out.

minds on ecstasy

on average, we think 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts a day. that averages to roughly a thought every 1.1ish second. we aren't always consciously thinking and thoughts can even pop in and out of our heads without us realizing. but the thoughts that we acknowledge are what our subconscious finds interesting of the vast pool of thoughts. and reoccurring thoughts are what is important to us. so important that our mind fishes them out again and again and again.

the problem is that we don't always understand our thoughts and why or how they affect what we dohearsee.

it's pretty miraculous that our minds haven't yet exploded.

unnecessary

you know when someone asks where are you and you answer in the living room when you were actually in the kitchen. and you don't know why you said you were in the living room.

you know when someone asks what are you doing and you answer nothing, just chilling in my room when you were actually watching a movie or eating a salad. and you don't know why you said you were just chilling.

you know when someone asks why didn't you text me back and you answer oh, i didn't see it when you were actually busy when you saw it and forgot to respond after. and you don't know why you said you didn't see it.

i do a lot of pointless lying and it bothers me. what is about the truth that so many people decide to stay away, even when revealing the truth isn't that difficult? are we that afraid of reality that we need to create this fake, equally pathetic world?