I'm sorry for Wednesday.

I don’t face a lot of hateful comments. I mean, compared to a lot of other people who wear hijabs, I have it really nice. I meet people everyday who look at me and don’t only see a hijab and the American meanings attached to it. I see people everyday who treat me like a deserved to be treated, like anyone deserves to be treated. Then when people talk to me, they decide whether they like me or hate me and then continue on their merry way. But there’s that occasional person who’s particularly ignorant and doesn’t feel the need to be nice to me. Wait. Scratch that. You do not need to be nice to me, but you owe me the right to be a decent human being. So that occasional person will start talking, without really knowing what he or she is talking about. And somehow, I’ll hear about it. And somehow, I ignore it. I don’t pay attention to it. I accept the fact that some people talk without thinking or taking the time to know exactly what they are talking about. I know that some people suck.

But there are those days. Those days where I’m already ignoring things. Where I’m already trying not to think about certain things. Whether it be my friends’ problems, family issues, another moment of disappointment, me worrying about Ibrahim. There comes a day where someone’s comment is too ridiculous for a snarky sarcastic comment. There comes a comment that I can’t do anything about. One that just depresses me.

I’m not going to say that hateful comments don’t piss me off because that’s just not true. But anger is something that I can generally control. I don’t get angry a lot because it’s pointless and if I don’t have to be mad, why not control it? But sadness is something that I haven’t yet mastered. But don’t worry, I’m working on it.

So I’m sorry that I sometimes can’t stand the cashier’s comment about how pretty my hair used to be every time she swipes me. I’m sorry that I can’t ignore people shouting something something something whore! at me while I’m walking to the beach. I’m sorry that I don’t want to forget the way she looked at me while I walked to the gym.

So I’m sorry that I wasn’t the happiest person around when you all came on Wednesday. I’m sorry that I couldn’t set aside the person talking about how degrading she thinks wearing a scarf is.

This isn’t for your pity. Pity me and I will consider you a fool. People in Gaza deserve your pity, people in Kenya deserve your pity, people in Libya deserve your pity. I don’t need it. This is because I don’t want you to be ignorant. Please.