Why isn't Monica more mentally unstable because of Ross' constant overshadowing of her in their parents' eyes as they were growing up? One can only hope that she once was but finally grew out of it.

I'm sorry for Wednesday.

I don’t face a lot of hateful comments. I mean, compared to a lot of other people who wear hijabs, I have it really nice. I meet people everyday who look at me and don’t only see a hijab and the American meanings attached to it. I see people everyday who treat me like a deserved to be treated, like anyone deserves to be treated. Then when people talk to me, they decide whether they like me or hate me and then continue on their merry way. But there’s that occasional person who’s particularly ignorant and doesn’t feel the need to be nice to me. Wait. Scratch that. You do not need to be nice to me, but you owe me the right to be a decent human being. So that occasional person will start talking, without really knowing what he or she is talking about. And somehow, I’ll hear about it. And somehow, I ignore it. I don’t pay attention to it. I accept the fact that some people talk without thinking or taking the time to know exactly what they are talking about. I know that some people suck.

But there are those days. Those days where I’m already ignoring things. Where I’m already trying not to think about certain things. Whether it be my friends’ problems, family issues, another moment of disappointment, me worrying about Ibrahim. There comes a day where someone’s comment is too ridiculous for a snarky sarcastic comment. There comes a comment that I can’t do anything about. One that just depresses me.

I’m not going to say that hateful comments don’t piss me off because that’s just not true. But anger is something that I can generally control. I don’t get angry a lot because it’s pointless and if I don’t have to be mad, why not control it? But sadness is something that I haven’t yet mastered. But don’t worry, I’m working on it.

So I’m sorry that I sometimes can’t stand the cashier’s comment about how pretty my hair used to be every time she swipes me. I’m sorry that I can’t ignore people shouting something something something whore! at me while I’m walking to the beach. I’m sorry that I don’t want to forget the way she looked at me while I walked to the gym.

So I’m sorry that I wasn’t the happiest person around when you all came on Wednesday. I’m sorry that I couldn’t set aside the person talking about how degrading she thinks wearing a scarf is.

This isn’t for your pity. Pity me and I will consider you a fool. People in Gaza deserve your pity, people in Kenya deserve your pity, people in Libya deserve your pity. I don’t need it. This is because I don’t want you to be ignorant. Please.

I hate people.

just call me ignorant.

i've been reading a lot about feminism and abortion rights lately which has again made me rethink my views yet agaain.

so i'm still all for feminism. the kind of feminism that leads to respecting yourself and loving yourself. and not letting anyone believe that they are below another person simply because of gender. because it's ridiculous that women make 73cents for every dollar that men make now when in 1968, women made 80cents to the dollar. how has it declined 7cents in these years? aren't we supposed to be progressing? gah.

also. i know that people who claim to be pro-life come off as ignorant or not caring but that's because most people who are pro-life tend to be so just because they are religious and their religion is against abortion or because they don't agree with killing an innocent person. most people don't take the time to learn the facts. i used to be one of those religious pro-life people who don't like killing innocents when i was younger. then i became more politically aware and decided that i could personally be pro-life but for america as a democracy to function, we needed to be pro-choice. because everyone deserves the choice, right? now i don't really know where i am. i know that there are fewer than 2,000 abortions a year. but isn't it ironic that the main girl in roe v. wade is now a strong pro-life activist? i know that people mostly get abortions because they were either raped, or can't financially support a child, or are not ready for children. and at the risk of sounding inconsiderate, i don't think that these are all valid reasons. i can't believe that they are all valid reasons. rape is a heinous crime that i can not fully understand and will hopefully never have to but i don't know if i can believe that "every time the rape victim looks at her child, she will be reminded of the rape." also, i may be old-fashioned but i firmly believe that little 15/16 year olds should not be having sex. but if they are having sex, they better be hella careful. (side note: i've come to the conclusion that hella is a great word that just fits in places where other words can't)

also. i understand the chances of having a "fucked up child." but i read something yesterday that was pretty powerful. "you've done this to yourself, and only you can get yourself out of this." no. this doesn't apply to everything. i'm not stupid. there are so many things out of our control. but there is more in our control than we realize. at least more than i realize.

“Love is a temporary madness; it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.”

~Louis de Bernieres

how to deal.

she's standing there. doing the dishes or drinking water. then she'll casually glance out the window, expecting to see him. after the milisecond of forgetfulness, she'll realize that she won't ever see him outside the window again. so she stops washing the dishes. she stops drinking water. and she sighs. she sighs and she thinks. thinks of all that she should've done, could've done. then she gets angry. infuriated. she hates the creature that did this to him. she hates them all. making something so innocent suffer like that. she wants revenge but doesn't know how to go about it. so she silently prays. prays for retribution. then she realizes how silly she's being. she realizes that someone won't ever see her husband again. someone won't ever see her father again. how alone must they feel if she is feeling like this. and so she is sad again. and when she's sad, she glances out the window.

i like her

"Once let down, I never fully recovered. I could never forget, and the break never mended. Like a glass vase that you place on the edge of a table, once broken, the pieces never quite fit again.

But the problem wasn’t with the vase. Or even that the vases kept breaking. The problem was that I kept putting them on the edge of tables. Through my attachments, I was dependent on my relationships to fulfill my needs. I allowed those relationships to define my happiness or my sadness, my fulfillment or my emptiness, my security, and even my self-worth. And so, like the vase placed where it will inevitably fall, through those dependencies I set myself up for disappointment. I set myself up to be broken. And that’s exactly what I found: one disappointment, one break after another.

But the people who broke me were not to blame any more than gravity can be blamed for breaking the vase. We can’t blame the laws of physics when a twig snaps because we leaned on it for support. The twig was never created to carry us."

-Yasmin Mogahed

Looking back...

I went through a phase where I wanted everyone to ask me about my hijab. I wanted to explain to everyone why I started wearing it and what it means. But only a few asked. Oh, all of them wondered and many disapproved, but only a handful asked. And when one person asked all the others came near to listen in on noors new decision. Many asked those close to me and most feared offending me. But I don't see why I would be offended by a simple question. It's just that people don't like talking about foreign things which definitely included my foreign religion. I just felt really ignored. But ignored isn't the right word. I had just made one of the hugest and hardest decisions in my life and only a few people bothered to acknowledge it. Failing to talk about the large elephant in the room doesn't take away that there's a fuckin elephant in the room. But now that it's been over 6 months, I don't think about other people and their lack of questions. I had made a decision and wasn't really looking for approval but rather, for support. But I'm blessed and was able to find a wonderful support system here. It's funny how things work out.

minds on ecstasy

on average, we think 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts a day. that averages to roughly a thought every 1.1ish second. we aren't always consciously thinking and thoughts can even pop in and out of our heads without us realizing. but the thoughts that we acknowledge are what our subconscious finds interesting of the vast pool of thoughts. and reoccurring thoughts are what is important to us. so important that our mind fishes them out again and again and again.

the problem is that we don't always understand our thoughts and why or how they affect what we dohearsee.

it's pretty miraculous that our minds haven't yet exploded.

unnecessary

you know when someone asks where are you and you answer in the living room when you were actually in the kitchen. and you don't know why you said you were in the living room.

you know when someone asks what are you doing and you answer nothing, just chilling in my room when you were actually watching a movie or eating a salad. and you don't know why you said you were just chilling.

you know when someone asks why didn't you text me back and you answer oh, i didn't see it when you were actually busy when you saw it and forgot to respond after. and you don't know why you said you didn't see it.

i do a lot of pointless lying and it bothers me. what is about the truth that so many people decide to stay away, even when revealing the truth isn't that difficult? are we that afraid of reality that we need to create this fake, equally pathetic world?

raindrops.

i tear so easily now. oh, how times have changed.

"you're going to hell!"

well, thank you for enlightening me. i mean, i've been told that i'm going to hell before but this time it was more exciting. i'm going to hell because Islam is a bad religion. i mean there clearly must be something wrong with Islam if there is Islamaphobia. there must be something wrong if a few select stupid people who call themselves Muslims decide to commit vicious actions. there must be something wrong if people know nothing about Islam and still hate it.

but let's get real. i might go to hell. not because i'm Muslim. but because i'm a bad person. but you have no right to tell me that you think that i'm going to hell. that's not up to you to decide. Islam teaches us that anyone can go to hell and/or heaven based on their deeds. just because you're a Muslim doesn't mean that you're guaranteed to heaven. an just because you're a nonMuslim doesn't mean you're going to hell.

also. i enjoy it when nonMuslims tell me that they know more about Islam than Muslims do. and that Islam is a political scheme or a cult. and that Muslims don't choose to be Muslim. yes. i was born a Muslim but i choose to practice it. i choose to pray 5 times a day, fast in Ramadan, and wear a head scarf. i choose to believe in Jesus (pbuh) and Muhammad (pbuh) and all the other prophets preceding them. i choose this lifestyle and i love it.

you don't even live here!

when i come home for the weekends, it feels like nothing has changed even though everything has. the walls have been painted a different color. my brother's bed disappeared. my parents cuss a little now. timmy doesn't sleep in his cage.

i come home and everything's normal. we're all super comfortable and super happy. but they have their stories and i have mine. and there aren't that many our stories. it's not like i expect them to stop living without me but i didn't think that they'd still continue to be a family and do family things and share family jokes without me. and though i don't feel left out because they still tell me the jokes and stories, i don't just want to be told family things.

it's only been 5 months but i feel like we've all grown so much.

edit: i'm just selfish.

How I Met Your Mother is the perfect solution for PMS.

faack.

you're driving. and you're driving. and you're driving.

and then all of a sudden. BAM. you hit the car in front of you.

what's the first word/phrase to come to your mind?

now what if you died in that car accident?

would you want that word/phrase to be the last thing you ever said/thought?

i'm going to start cussing less.

Stolen.

20 ways to survive in a horror movie.

A quick run-down should you ever find yourself trapped in a horror movie and would prefer to live to tell the tale.

1. Don’t have sex.

• Seriously
• Abstinence is key.

2. Don’t go out with people you’ve just met that day.

• I don’t care how good he says his weed is
• he is cuckoo bananas
• and he wants you dead.

3. Don’t go to camp. Especially one where someone was murdered.

• There are six words you should YouTube, should you get the chance
• “Kevin Bacon in Friday the 13th”

4. Find a good hiding place and… STAY. THERE.

• If the killer can’t see you or hear you WHY WOULD YOU MOVE?
• Possibly the easiest rule to follow and, ironically enough, the easiest to break.

5. Always wear sensible shoes, ‘cause you never know when you’ll need to run through the woods.

• Someone will always be barefoot
• Or in heels
• Or just plain clumsy
• And will sprain their ankles
• And die.

6. If the town looks deserted, it’s probably because everyone is dead.

• Don’t walk around looking for people
• House of Wax, anyone?

7. Don’t be a hero.

• Unless you’re name is Harry Fucking Potter, you will die.
• Hell, maybe even then.
• I mean.

8. If you hear something creepy in the distance, like a dog’s yelp cut off mid-bark, don’t investigate.

• The killer is there.
• Also your dog is dead.

9. Always check the backseat before entering your vehicle.

• The last thing you need is to be killed while trying to merge on the expressway.

10. If your car breaks down in front of a dilapidated gas station, don’t ask a sketchy-looking townie for help.

• Some part of your body will wind up in his pick-up truck

11. Don’t go into the basement.

• They are creepy enough without you dying in one.

12. If you’re trying to buy a house and the real estate agent won’t answer any direct questions about either the history of the home or the previous tenants, DO NOT MOVE IN.

• At some point, someone in the house heard voices and cracked.

13. Turn off the television (and run away) if a girl crawls out of it.

• It is obviously your wisest choice.
• SEE ALSO: poltergeist, daughter trapped in tv because of.

14. If the walls of your house bleed, do not attempt an exorcism.

• Move very very far away
• Because there’s blood on your walls.
• Blood.
• Your
• Walls
• Are
• Bleeding.

15. Don’t act like a detective

• Some crazy Japanese kid who meows like a cat will attack you in a closet.
• If you live, awesome story to tell your friend, right?
• But if you die, it is like the opposite of awesome.

16. Google the location you’ll be vacationing at.

• If more than five reports for “Missing Persons” pops up, you know not to go there.
• Issue. Solved.

17. Don’t get drunk. Or come under the influence of any mind-altering drug.

• Running away from a killer is that much harder when you’re tipsy and giggling.

18. If you see someone in a mask, don’t assume it’s one of your friends playing a trick on you to scare you.

• It is the killer.
• ALSO: laughing while saying, “Tommy, is that you in that stupid mask? Oh, I’m so-o-o-o-o scared!” is not conducive to your surviving.
• Killer’s are very sensitive about their disguises.

19. Don’t take a shower.

• ONLY APPLIES IF:
• It’s past midnight at the campground you and your sorority sisters are staying at or
• The lock to the door doesn’t work and you hear creepy piano music

AND THE LAST AND MOST IMPORTANT:

20. If the call is coming from inside the house, get out.

• Clearly the killer is not outside, now is he

immortal.

it's like romeo and juliet. they're love was immortalized. nothing could have gone wrong. that's why the story is so great. romeo and juliet will always love each other. time didn't have the chance to make them bitter. to make them annoyed of each other. to make them distant.

and so doug will forever more be kind, funny, intelligent, caring, and optimistic. time didn't get a chance to ruin him.