I found this on facebook as a saved draft. I was an angsty girl. Why am I posting it up here? I really don't know. You try figuring me out.
i hate that i shake. i'd like to think that it's only because im cold but i know its not. i mean 10 months is plenty of time. she wasnt even related to me. then why do i fucking care so much. i loved her. more than i could possibly tell. she was beautiful. i didnt go see her in the hospital. b/c i was selfish and didnt think that she could die. dont try to tell me that i'm not selfish and it was only human tendency that i didnt go see her. i didnt want to see her sick. her daughter said that she wouldn't have wanted me to see her sick anyway. but thats a lie. thats liek saying that i dont want you to see me when im sick, but the truth is i would want ppl to see me. well ppl who i cared about and who cared about me. just to know that they are supporting me.
its not her death that gets me. its my behavior while she was sick and the day she died. I WAS AT THE CLASS BONFIRE WHEN SHE DIED. I WAS HAVING FUN. I DIDNT THINK ABOUT HER AT ALL. MY PARENTS WERE AT THE HOSPITAL AND THEY HAD TOLD ME THAT THE DOCTOR SAID THAT SHE ONLY HAD A COUPLE OF DAYS/HOURS TO LIVE. i didnt believe it. i wanted to go to the bonfire so i found other means of transportation. i had a great time at the bonfire but now i dont even remember it. i remember parts but faintly. but my aunt. sigh. she mattered way more to me than any bonfire.
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