ransom notes.

How to Write a Ransom Note:

Always be direct! While you may spend hours crafting your note, it’s important to remember that the average ransom-note reader will likely spend just ten to twelve seconds reading your hard work before breaking down into complete hysterics and waving your note helplessly in the air.

But ten seconds is all you need to effectively communicate your point. Do not waste time with vague threats when a simple “Or Else!” will do. If you have precise plans in the event the ransom does not come through, express these using active power verbs. Compare the difference between:

“Give me the money or I will hurt your husband.”

and

“Deliver the money or I will maim your husband.”

Constructing Your Note

Sometimes, all that separates your note from countless other threats is the presentation. You should choose a design that is eye-catching, but not overly flashy. Remember, you’ve got only ten seconds to make a lasting impression!

The first step, obviously, is your paper. Simple typing paper tears easily and may soak through to the point of illegibility if the reader is crying. You should choose a heavy cardstock that will withstand the rigorous wear and tear to come—remember, a good ransom note will be passed around dozens of hands: friends, family members, and local, state, and possibly federal authorities.

When selecting your letters, do not just cut up any old papers at hand. The careful, considerate ransom-note writer will pay attention to color scheme and font compatibility. While a white typeface may look great in a magazine, on an off-white background, it may prove hard to read. And mixing and matching various sizes, shapes, and serifs of your fonts could prove harsh on the eyes. Ultimately, you want the reader to smoothly and quickly get to the end of your note without ever stumbling over an awkward logo.

Finally, remember that neatness counts! An X-acto knife is preferable over scissors to slice clean, exact lines around your letters, and rubber cement is better than regular glue, because you can easily wipe away the excess.