Walls.

I'm slowly losing. And I'm not the only one who feels it. I just. sigh. I can't change things or people. It is 1:04 am and I'm in a pretty helpless mood. I just hate all these walls that she's built. I don't know why she doesn't trust me anymore. I haven't done anything to break her trust. Really. I haven't. I don't tell anyone her problems and I'm completely honest with her. She wasn't always like this. She used to tell me everything and anything. The thing about friendship, well close friendship, that I love is that I can talk to that person without really needed to think before I speak. Some thinking is obviously involved but i can say anything and it would be okay. I wouldn't be judged or shunned. I only have three people who I really feel like I can tell anything. I felt like we could say anything but now I'm not so sure. I still tell her everything but I don't know if she feels like she can tell me anything. I want to be there for her so badly. Everyone needs a friend, an outlet. Someone or something that they can depend on. I know people don't like becoming dependent on others but sometimes it's necessary. The thing about friends is that they make life more enjoyable. I want to make her life more enjoyable and help her. But if she won't open up, then I don't know how I can help.

I'm not useless. I want to help. But just wanting to do something is not always enough.

I am reliable. I just have a lot going on. I can make time. I really need to. I want to be there. I am here.